Friendship over the years
What makes our friendship last?
Last spring, I went to a small gathering of old friends from high school. I had decided to contact one of them while back in hometown, then things snowballed from there. Before I knew, I was surrounded by six friends of mine, with whom I used to spend a lot of time together. We had such a good time catching up, sharing our news, and laughing about the shared memories. Yet, what I found the most intriguing was that even after more than a decade, the dynamic of the group had not changed much. The friend who always made jokes. The friend who lead the conversation. The friend who nodded along (yet usually with the sharpest observation). It had me wonder if we were fundamentally the same no matter how long time passed.
Back when I was a student, my friends were those I hang out with all the time, spending weekends together, texting silly things non-stop, and sharing every little thing. After I moved a few times and started working, however, our friendship and how it was maintained have changed gradually. Sometimes what had formed our friendship, the surroundings, the similar backgrounds, and the shared interests, dissipated and we grew apart. Schools would be a great example. Perhaps that is why I feel slightly upset whenever our dynamic changes, my friends getting married, moving away, or starting a new career. As much as I am ecstatic for my friend’s new endeavor, a small part of me worries if our friendship could overcome those changes. Most of the time it is no fault in either of us since not all friendships are meant to last forever.
On the contrary, some friendship continues regardless of how much our situations change. I believe that if we share something in the core that would stay unchanged no matter what, we can sustain our relationship. I have several friends I meet up whenever I go back home. Those are the friends who stuck by me through different times. We might not have shared the same experiences, but they have always listened and encouraged me throughout the years. What I feel the most appreciative for them is that they never change their attitude. Even when I was going through tough times, they never acted overly sympathetic. It might sound strange but it meant a lot to me. The last thing I want while going through difficulty is people taking pity on me. It gives me more weight on my heart and almost makes me more pitiful of myself. Knowing that we can still carry on the regular conversations and laugh at silly things has saved me so many times.
“Are you back in town? Would you like to meet up? It has been a while.” Another friend from high school contacted me through Instagram. We had not seen each other since graduation, so I had no idea what to expect. When we finally met in person, however, I was delighted to discover she had not changed fundamentally. Of course, she had grown as a person, with more experiences and wisdom, but her personality, the way she saw the world in such a level way, had stayed the same. Once I realized that fact, I felt more comfortable to open up and share my thoughts.
Sometimes coming back to old friends and witnessing how much they have grown open my eyes. How they have navigated through their lives since we parted ways intrigues me. In that regard, I believe being open to the idea of coming back to earlier friendship is important. I am so bad at corresponding, but I almost enjoy the gap in our communications because it becomes easier to see the change in them. Sometimes I get disappointed, but most times I enjoy discovering new sides in them.
There are things we can no longer share like we used to. As we go about our lives, we experience different events. I probably cannot fully understand what it’s like to have a five-year-old child. How it felt to go through health issues and surgeries. Hardships of the particular jobs I never had. They, on the other hand, might not fully understand what it is like to navigate life in a foreign country on their own. What we can do instead is sharing the stories, trying to understand and be supportive of each other.
If we could only be friends with those who have experienced the same life events, our world would be so small and bland. I think different layers of our lives are what makes us attracted to each other. I can learn so much from their stories and their points of view. Sometimes it reminds me to look into myself and give a reality check.
Our lives inevitably change over time. We get a new job, move to a different city, start a family, or enter a new chapter in life. I cherish friendships I formed over the years, whether still present or not. I am also grateful for those who still stick by me as well as those we found our ways back together. As the new season starts, the prospect of a new friendship excites me as well. I believe that as we keep growing, our friendship can evolve and adapt as well.
